I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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