the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
me + whiskey = a bad person
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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