watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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