Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
