I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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