if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
