I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
