12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
