i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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