dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
