oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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