There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize