Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize