laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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