Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
