U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
