my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
