mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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