I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
