They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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