just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
