Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
