for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
