My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize