He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
