I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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