3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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