He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
