i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
