She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
