Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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