but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
