During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
