So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
