I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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