it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
