Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize