we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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