I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
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After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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