aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We need to get me chipped asap
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
