Where are you?
In a non slutty way
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
