Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
