I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
