Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
