I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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