i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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