I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
