she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
