My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
