Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
