I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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