wanna go halves on a baby?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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