And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
