I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize