so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
