I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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