But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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