I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
