so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
