ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
