I'm going to jail i love you
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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