Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
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Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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