I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
