you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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