This is not my ceiling
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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