I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
